drew moser: Vocational Angst and a Much Needed Reality Check...

journal : : field notes

Vocational Angst and a Much Needed Reality Check...

21 December 2006

(update: 'vocational angst' is not my creation. Hat tip to Jami for the phrase...I like it)
I stumbled across a couple of thoughts online that I thought would be interested to mesh together and see what bubbles to the surface. First, Stephen Shields over at FaithMaps Blog wrote of 'emergers in non-emerging church contexts'. He asks: "How many (of his readers) would consider themselves emergers in emerging churches and how many would consider themselves emergers in non-emerging contexts?"
I certainly fall into the latter category, as an emerger-y-ish-ite-ent-whatever Christian working in a non-emerging church context. As you can imagine, it can be an interesting relationship. The church in which I work recently celebrated 135 yrs of ministry, is in a rural context, and could be described as conservative to very conservative in terms of theology and politics. In recent years, the leadership of the church has seen its congregation age, and its younger generations graduate high school and plummet into that ever difficult demographic of 'de-churched'.
The church hired me to be their outreach/young adult/overall emerging guy to impact this trend. I knew coming in that it would be a nearly impossible role to play, yet I'm a glutton for punishment, I suppose. A church can't simply bring in one person and then 'poof!', said church becomes emerging and forward thinking. Churches just don't work that way. So I find myself often grateful at the opportunity to work in the context that I do. I'm compensated fairly, and I've been given a chance to do some experimenting and tweaking in terms of ministry.
But it also, inevitably, has been, at times, a source of vocational angst. I often feel like a fish out of water, wondering what I'm doing in such a context. Don't get me wrong. I love the people here. They are fantastic. Generous. And they Love God. I have learned so much from the people here. I sometimes just feel that my calling, my training, and my thinking would be better applied to a different context.
This past week was one of those periods where I was seriously questioning my role and purpose. Is the church practicing good stewardship in paying me? Should the funds be better served elsewhere? Am I making a difference? I believe there's nothing wrong at all with introspection, questioning, and even doubt. But such instances can easily slide into the realm of self-pity, woe-is-me garbage.
Fortunately, two days later, Seth Godin, marketing guru and bestselling author, posted excerpts from gapingvoid's article, "The Career Manifesto". (the e-trail of finding the origin of the manifesto is ridiculously long...I'll stop here) It has proved a good reality check for me. My responses are in italics.
1. Unless you're working in a coal mine, an emergency ward, or their equivalent, spare us the sad stories about your tough job. The biggest risk most of us face in the course of a day is a paper cut. So true. I am so blessed. Good reminder.

4. Although your title may be the same, the job that you were hired to do three years ago is probably not the job you have now. When you are just coasting and not thinking several steps ahead of your responsibilities, you are in dinosaur territory and a meteor is coming. So true. The very broad hats that I wear (outreach and young adult ministry) remain, but both look and play out very differently than when I started here. I have felt the temptation to coast at times, and I look around at pastors all over the country, and I see way too many 'coasters', ripping off sermons from the internet, playing golf a few times a week, and gladhanding their congregation on Sunday morning.

6. Your technical skills may impress the other geeks, but if you can't get along with your co-workers, you're a litigation breeder. Don't be surprised if management regards you as an expensive risk. My technical skills aren't very, um, skilled. But this does bring up a good point regarding mult-staffed churches. So many of today's churched are niched. We have the youth pastor, the childrens pastor, the worship pastor, etc. Each can potentially go through an entire week's worth of ministry and have minimal interaction with another staff member. Is this healthy? I think not. I applaud recent efforts to integrate the generations in worship. We're a family people!

8. Don't believe what the organization says it does. Its practices are its real policies. Study what is rewarded and what is punished and you'll have a better clue as to what's going on. Wow, this is incredibly true in the church context, and a helpful reminder to me. There's been a lot of huffing and puffing about emergent churches not placing doctrinal statements on websites, literature etc. (a gross, and largely untrue caricaturization) . Churches practices are its real policy, it's doctrine lived out. Doctrinal statements are worthless if they are not believed enough to be lived out in everyday life.

10.If you plan on showing them what you're capable of only after you get promoted, you need to reverse your thinking. This one doesn't apply to me, but I'm sure in some megachurch contexts, this is a helpful reminder to many pastors seeking to climb the megachurch ladder (one I will not be climbing). This isn't a slam on megachurches (my feelings are mixed and for another day), but rather a slam on abusing the megachurch structure.

In sum: I love being a pastor, but it's (incredibly) challenging at times. I'm grateful for my job, in spite of the unique challenges. . . and I need to avoid self-pity at all costs. I have so much to be thankful for.

Labels: church, personal